gardening, mental health, nature, Uncategorized

Strange, New World

Such an interesting phenomena–living life at it’s status quo, hurried pace–you get sick, really sick; and suddenly your calendar and to-do list become blank. Cleared by the all-important task of healing. I never imagined I would experience that on a global scale. The world gets sick, covid-19 sick, and suddenly not only are you housebound, but everyone else is too. While truly frightening, it is strangely liberating. Your imposed healing is not causing you to miss a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. We are all forced to slow the heck down. You only have two jobs–stay home and wash your hands.

My new reality, and the onset of spring, have me looking at nature with renewed gratitude. As I clear away the dead leaves and witness beloved plants rejoining my landscape like old friends, I am comforted by nature’s steady, quiet presence. She has always been there, it is upon me to notice. The fresh air feels so good, the smell of earth grounds me, and the sounds of chipmunks, songbirds, and rustling leaves stir the desire to remain outside, part of something bigger than myself.

The compost bin fills up quickly and cool temps and rain push me back inside. Where I am faced with more projects than I can count. I am trying to balance my time between organizing neglected spaces, self-care (meditation, journaling, coloring), connecting with others (calling, texting, even writing letters!) and reading (great books like “Know My Name” by Chanel Miller and “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle). Am I spending too much time on Instagram and binge watching mindless shows? Of course. I feel better at the end of the day, however, when I have moved my body, stretched my mind, and tended my spirit.

What are you doing to fill the hours, days, weeks of your quarantine?

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mental health, parenting, wellness

All the Feelings

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I haven’t posted in a while. I had a draft started about turning fifty, which happened earlier this month. But since then one of my daughters has gone to the hospital, and it just doesn’t seem important or relevant anymore. The gist of it was “I don’t feel fifty” and “I’m grateful for the opportunity to be getting older”.

Instead, my days are spent glued to my phone, in case my daughter or someone from the hospital calls. Researching the internet for resources and answers of how to best support my child. Mental illness is a horrible thing. I wish it did not exist. It very much does. The adolescent programs we have been using are bursting at the seams. Anxiety. Depression. Eating disorders. Addictions. Self harm. Trauma. The list goes on.

It is hard to be a teen, period. Coupled with these illnesses it is down-right scary. I know parenting teens is difficult. Parenting a teen with a mental illness is terrifying. I so want to do the right thing. In all honesty, I want to take it away, fix it. But I can’t do that, and according to my favorite author, Glennon Doyle, trying to fix other people’s pain is like stealing their happiness; both are sacred. All I can do is hold space for my daughter and her beautiful, strong spirit.

That and try to take care of myself, so I’m not a train-wreck next to her. I have been doing an abysmal job of this, which is another reason I haven’t written. Didn’t seem appropriate to get on my “nurturing self and others” blog and talk about how I don’t have the energy/desire to even get out of bed, let alone do one of the many self-care practices I know would help.

I did meditate once yesterday. I also scheduled a therapy appointment for myself. I have amazing supportive family and friends, whom I’m eternally grateful for. So yeah. That’s where things stand. Not a glowing, rosy picture, but one filled with infinite love and a sliver of hope for brighter days ahead.

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